I feel like this blog ends up sounding whiny. That's probably because I whine a lot. But a blog or journal is a great place to do it. Better than always sounding off to loved ones. But there are times when complaining is good. If frustrations get bottled up, they toxify. And when that happens to me, I boil over. It also seems that when I bite my tongue too much it's easy for family members to, well, let's just say, start expecting me to keep quiet about things. And that's not good. Especially when they are part of what sets me off. Or when they routinely vent their ire on me. And when they start taking mom's/wife's broad shoulders for granted. When I am too patient (not very often, but if I am), family tends to get comfortable with that. And they don't do things for themselves that they should be doing for themselves. Like self-care, self advocacy and problem solving. It becomes too easy to abuse my patience. Then when I'm not feeling patient or when I'm at low ebb myself, everyone is surprised and irritated that I've dropped the ball. I haven't dropped the ball, though. I've just stopped carrying for everyone else. I've put it back in the court in which it belongs. Being patient and long-suffering is good. We're commanded to be these things in the Bible. But being honest is important, too. And continually shouldering burdens for others that they should be shouldering themselves does no one any good. The trick is to figure out how and when to let go. Will they like it? Not usually. But they'll learn. The most important thing is doing what feels right to me.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
The value of complaining
I feel like this blog ends up sounding whiny. That's probably because I whine a lot. But a blog or journal is a great place to do it. Better than always sounding off to loved ones. But there are times when complaining is good. If frustrations get bottled up, they toxify. And when that happens to me, I boil over. It also seems that when I bite my tongue too much it's easy for family members to, well, let's just say, start expecting me to keep quiet about things. And that's not good. Especially when they are part of what sets me off. Or when they routinely vent their ire on me. And when they start taking mom's/wife's broad shoulders for granted. When I am too patient (not very often, but if I am), family tends to get comfortable with that. And they don't do things for themselves that they should be doing for themselves. Like self-care, self advocacy and problem solving. It becomes too easy to abuse my patience. Then when I'm not feeling patient or when I'm at low ebb myself, everyone is surprised and irritated that I've dropped the ball. I haven't dropped the ball, though. I've just stopped carrying for everyone else. I've put it back in the court in which it belongs. Being patient and long-suffering is good. We're commanded to be these things in the Bible. But being honest is important, too. And continually shouldering burdens for others that they should be shouldering themselves does no one any good. The trick is to figure out how and when to let go. Will they like it? Not usually. But they'll learn. The most important thing is doing what feels right to me. 
One day at a time...sometimes one moment
"Busy" is not how you are but what you are...just sayin'
When someone asks you how you are, how often do you reply, "busy!" While it's probably true, it doesn't reflect HOW you are but WHAT you are. Take a moment today, to ask yourself, "how am I feeling? How am I doing with my goals? Why am I so busy? What can I do to make my load a little easier?"
I did that yesterday. My husband went to bed late (yes, he works nights) and had to get up to take our youngest to the Ortho. I offered to take her so he could rest. He's trying to make time to be involved with the kids, despite a freakishly freaky schedule. So he said, "no, I'll take her. You're busy." That's when it hit me. I'm always busy and life is passing me by. Instead of just one of us taking her, we both did. I know, how extravagant!
So I took the proverbial apron off, shook the punctuation dust from my fingers and gave myself a break. After the ortho, we dropped Emma off at the museum for youth docents. We strolled downtown, got a free piece of apple-cinnamon bread from the bakery and a cup of coffee and admired the ArtWalk entries. We wandered through the museum. When Em was done, we went out for supper.
It took all of 3 hours. Then Alb went back to bed to finish his rest and I went back to work. But I went back refreshed and would you believe, I got lots more done than had I kept on plugging. I deserve to relax. My hubs deserves to relax. You deserve to relax. You're a happier person if you do. Your family is happier, too.(Link goes to my article about ways to relax. It is not mandatory to read.)
Just my tuppence for the day.
Love, mar
I did that yesterday. My husband went to bed late (yes, he works nights) and had to get up to take our youngest to the Ortho. I offered to take her so he could rest. He's trying to make time to be involved with the kids, despite a freakishly freaky schedule. So he said, "no, I'll take her. You're busy." That's when it hit me. I'm always busy and life is passing me by. Instead of just one of us taking her, we both did. I know, how extravagant!
So I took the proverbial apron off, shook the punctuation dust from my fingers and gave myself a break. After the ortho, we dropped Emma off at the museum for youth docents. We strolled downtown, got a free piece of apple-cinnamon bread from the bakery and a cup of coffee and admired the ArtWalk entries. We wandered through the museum. When Em was done, we went out for supper.
It took all of 3 hours. Then Alb went back to bed to finish his rest and I went back to work. But I went back refreshed and would you believe, I got lots more done than had I kept on plugging. I deserve to relax. My hubs deserves to relax. You deserve to relax. You're a happier person if you do. Your family is happier, too.(Link goes to my article about ways to relax. It is not mandatory to read.)
Just my tuppence for the day.
Love, mar
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