I feel like this blog ends up sounding whiny. That's probably because I whine a lot. But a blog or journal is a great place to do it. Better than always sounding off to loved ones. But there are times when complaining is good. If frustrations get bottled up, they toxify. And when that happens to me, I boil over. It also seems that when I bite my tongue too much it's easy for family members to, well, let's just say, start expecting me to keep quiet about things. And that's not good. Especially when they are part of what sets me off. Or when they routinely vent their ire on me. And when they start taking mom's/wife's broad shoulders for granted. When I am too patient (not very often, but if I am), family tends to get comfortable with that. And they don't do things for themselves that they should be doing for themselves. Like self-care, self advocacy and problem solving. It becomes too easy to abuse my patience. Then when I'm not feeling patient or when I'm at low ebb myself, everyone is surprised and irritated that I've dropped the ball. I haven't dropped the ball, though. I've just stopped carrying for everyone else. I've put it back in the court in which it belongs. Being patient and long-suffering is good. We're commanded to be these things in the Bible. But being honest is important, too. And continually shouldering burdens for others that they should be shouldering themselves does no one any good. The trick is to figure out how and when to let go. Will they like it? Not usually. But they'll learn. The most important thing is doing what feels right to me.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
The value of complaining
I feel like this blog ends up sounding whiny. That's probably because I whine a lot. But a blog or journal is a great place to do it. Better than always sounding off to loved ones. But there are times when complaining is good. If frustrations get bottled up, they toxify. And when that happens to me, I boil over. It also seems that when I bite my tongue too much it's easy for family members to, well, let's just say, start expecting me to keep quiet about things. And that's not good. Especially when they are part of what sets me off. Or when they routinely vent their ire on me. And when they start taking mom's/wife's broad shoulders for granted. When I am too patient (not very often, but if I am), family tends to get comfortable with that. And they don't do things for themselves that they should be doing for themselves. Like self-care, self advocacy and problem solving. It becomes too easy to abuse my patience. Then when I'm not feeling patient or when I'm at low ebb myself, everyone is surprised and irritated that I've dropped the ball. I haven't dropped the ball, though. I've just stopped carrying for everyone else. I've put it back in the court in which it belongs. Being patient and long-suffering is good. We're commanded to be these things in the Bible. But being honest is important, too. And continually shouldering burdens for others that they should be shouldering themselves does no one any good. The trick is to figure out how and when to let go. Will they like it? Not usually. But they'll learn. The most important thing is doing what feels right to me. 
25th Anniversary Thoughts
My husband and I are celebrating 25 years of (mostly) wedded bliss today. On July 18, 1987, it was a blistering hot day (like it is today). The tiny church we were married in had no AC (fewer did then). I was going on 24 and he was going on 25. A lot of river has washed by since we stepped in a quarter century ago. Time and experience has shaped us, for better or worse, into what we are now. There were times when I didn't think we'd make it, but thank the Lord, we have.All praise to God and thanks for putting up with me, Honey.
Love mar
Mommy Guilt--My Nemesis
Do you grapple with "mommy guilt?" You know, that nagging little voice in the back of your head that is never satisfied? That monkey on your back that damns you if you do and damns if you don't? Moms have an amazing capacity for guilt. If we make a nutritious, delicious meal for our family, we're beating ourselves up because we didn't get other work done. If we work late, we mentally whip ourselves for not playing with our kids more.
Listen girls, if you're a slave to your over-active conscience, let me tell you now: it's a lose-lose situation. Your inner taskmaster will never be satisfied. That's when you need to tell that little corporal to bugger off. If you burn a candle at both ends, you'll use it up four times as fast. Set goals, but don't always make them unattainable. I'm very guilt-prone. I know how it can plague. Guilt, to the point of scruples, has nearly driven me over the edge many times.
Please, learn to be nice to yourself. Don't count the things you didn't get done, count the things you did do. If you can't be nice to yourself for your sake, do it for your kids. Trust me--someday, you'll have to listen to your children agonize about what losers they are. It hurts. Like no one can convince you to be nice to yourself, you won't be able to convince them. And you'll think back and remember that it was you who taught them how to beat themselves up. So tell those voices I said to back off, huh? You're worth it.
Love, mar
P.S. (remember, I said there would be P.S.s) This goes for dads too. I should probably call it "parent guilt."
Listen girls, if you're a slave to your over-active conscience, let me tell you now: it's a lose-lose situation. Your inner taskmaster will never be satisfied. That's when you need to tell that little corporal to bugger off. If you burn a candle at both ends, you'll use it up four times as fast. Set goals, but don't always make them unattainable. I'm very guilt-prone. I know how it can plague. Guilt, to the point of scruples, has nearly driven me over the edge many times.
Please, learn to be nice to yourself. Don't count the things you didn't get done, count the things you did do. If you can't be nice to yourself for your sake, do it for your kids. Trust me--someday, you'll have to listen to your children agonize about what losers they are. It hurts. Like no one can convince you to be nice to yourself, you won't be able to convince them. And you'll think back and remember that it was you who taught them how to beat themselves up. So tell those voices I said to back off, huh? You're worth it.
Love, mar
P.S. (remember, I said there would be P.S.s) This goes for dads too. I should probably call it "parent guilt."
"Busy" is not how you are but what you are...just sayin'
When someone asks you how you are, how often do you reply, "busy!" While it's probably true, it doesn't reflect HOW you are but WHAT you are. Take a moment today, to ask yourself, "how am I feeling? How am I doing with my goals? Why am I so busy? What can I do to make my load a little easier?"
I did that yesterday. My husband went to bed late (yes, he works nights) and had to get up to take our youngest to the Ortho. I offered to take her so he could rest. He's trying to make time to be involved with the kids, despite a freakishly freaky schedule. So he said, "no, I'll take her. You're busy." That's when it hit me. I'm always busy and life is passing me by. Instead of just one of us taking her, we both did. I know, how extravagant!
So I took the proverbial apron off, shook the punctuation dust from my fingers and gave myself a break. After the ortho, we dropped Emma off at the museum for youth docents. We strolled downtown, got a free piece of apple-cinnamon bread from the bakery and a cup of coffee and admired the ArtWalk entries. We wandered through the museum. When Em was done, we went out for supper.
It took all of 3 hours. Then Alb went back to bed to finish his rest and I went back to work. But I went back refreshed and would you believe, I got lots more done than had I kept on plugging. I deserve to relax. My hubs deserves to relax. You deserve to relax. You're a happier person if you do. Your family is happier, too.(Link goes to my article about ways to relax. It is not mandatory to read.)
Just my tuppence for the day.
Love, mar
I did that yesterday. My husband went to bed late (yes, he works nights) and had to get up to take our youngest to the Ortho. I offered to take her so he could rest. He's trying to make time to be involved with the kids, despite a freakishly freaky schedule. So he said, "no, I'll take her. You're busy." That's when it hit me. I'm always busy and life is passing me by. Instead of just one of us taking her, we both did. I know, how extravagant!
So I took the proverbial apron off, shook the punctuation dust from my fingers and gave myself a break. After the ortho, we dropped Emma off at the museum for youth docents. We strolled downtown, got a free piece of apple-cinnamon bread from the bakery and a cup of coffee and admired the ArtWalk entries. We wandered through the museum. When Em was done, we went out for supper.
It took all of 3 hours. Then Alb went back to bed to finish his rest and I went back to work. But I went back refreshed and would you believe, I got lots more done than had I kept on plugging. I deserve to relax. My hubs deserves to relax. You deserve to relax. You're a happier person if you do. Your family is happier, too.(Link goes to my article about ways to relax. It is not mandatory to read.)
Just my tuppence for the day.
Love, mar
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