Serenity is Eluding Me

I'm trying to balance a number of equal and opposite demands and to achieve many competing goals. This is causing some friction emotionally. I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm also needing to work more. Being an online writer, this naturally requires that I work at a computer (aka sedentary).

Yes, I've seen the standing work station computer desks and the exercise machines with computer capabilities. Those are supposed to provide more exercise opportunities. However they are expensive (meaning I would have to work more). They also aren't conducive to the work I do. I might be able to answer a few emails or browse online, but I couldn't write extensively as I need to. So I'm consigned to a sedentary computer.

Yes, I should take more exercise breaks, but that, too, is easier said than done. Additionally, I'm take a weight loss supplement with caffeine. (Being unable to exercise as I need to, I'm having trouble losing weight). The supplement reduces hunger pangs and helps with weight loss, but it also makes me a little jittery. This affects my thinking, writing and typing. It also means I'm irritable which makes it difficult to meet the emotional health goals I've set for myself (anger management, self care, etc.) I've also quit antidepressants and while that's essentially very healthy, I miss the calming (and even emotionally numbing) effect Paxil had.

And it doesn't help being in a relationship where I'm the emotionally stronger of the two. I let myself be everyone's go-to gal. I feel obliged to be the rock of Gibraltar for too many people. I don't express frustration until it's at critical mass but I let everyone dump their assorted (tedious, petty, trivial) woes on me. My kids I expect to have this kind of relationship with. Other adults, no. It needs to be give and take and not one person doing the lion's share of either. Rereading this, I sound like a not-so-silent martyr and that annoys me. I feel shame for my negative attitude. That's what I mean about equal and opposing demands. Sometimes it seems like you can't win for losing. 
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