Now I know why I've been so tired...(no, not pregnant!)

Warning: this post is peevish and very unpositive. I've been miserable for the last two months. I've not wanted to admit it, because to say something aloud has a way of verifying it. Took Emma to the doctor with belly pain. It seems she has mono AGAIN! I'll admit it. I'm worried. If her tummy hurts with the mono it must mean that she's already got some swelling in the liver. I've been incredibly rundown, depressed and (okay, family, I'll admit it--grouchy!). I didn't need that.

My hubs has been running his mother to the doctor 3x a week and we share a car. We have loads of repairs that need to be done and as callous as it sounds, we don't have time to chauffeur her everywhere. She also refuses to ride our beautiful city bus and wants sonny to personally wait on her and pamper her. I'm fed up. Alb hurt his back and her only concession was to enquire in an oh-by-the-way way, "why don't you go to the doctor?"

What do you think? We're too busy attending to you! You're 85 years old. You're a terrible driver. You're always feeling sorry for yourself and reminding everyone that you had a heart attack. That's all you ever do is talk and think about yourself. Before the heart thing, it was your back, your eyes, your neighbor, your woes. No wonder you had a heart attack--all you do is fret about what you don't have. You're never grateful. You pout over everything. Nothing is every good enough for you. You stew over why "your son" doesn't visit you enough and then when he does come over, you talk non-stop about yourself. You don't even bother to remember that he has to work at night and always act surprised when he goes to work. You never pay any attention to what's going on with us and act like we are only here to serve you. You should be glad you had a heart attack. It gave you something new to fuss about and another way to get attention. If you cared so much about your health, you'd make better choices, but no--you think you shouldn't have to. The rest of the world, including your family can scrimp and scrape, but not you. You "worked for what you have." Well so have we.

You take advantage of everyone. You play the system. You spend money on foolish things and then wonder why you're broke. You get free things and make everyone feel sorry for you because you're on a "fixed income." Then the minute your bills are paid (mostly by getting your debts written off, not by actually managing your money) you run out and buy yourself a new car, the same as your old one only more expensive.

You can't have it both ways--beautiful car sitting unused while your kids with a family of six chase you around (in a $700 car that we share and maintain ourselves, may I add.) You could at least offer us the use of your vehicle as we wait on you hand and foot. But no, you're too selfish for that. You fussed and moaned the whole way because I had to drive your vehicle to go move YOUR junk out of YOUR house. All you care about is things. It's all about you. Yes-I begrudge you running my husband ragged. He may be your son, but you don't own him and you have no right to play this guilt game. He's also my husband, the father of our children and most importantly, a very special human being who does not deserve to be treated like this. And don't give me this "pamper me because I'm old." You forget, I've known you since you were 54 and you've always been selfish.

So anyway, I went in to see if I had mono. I was treated like an idiot by the PA (who is young enough to be my daughter) b/c I don't get the flu shot. Listen, toots. I'm a grown woman. I've been alive longer than you and the flu shot put together.The flu shot is lame at best. I don't care what your protocol says. Your 2-3 years of experience do not make your word the be-all-end-all. You said I couldn't have mono b/c people over 35 don't get it. You also said people don't get it twice. Well if you had listened to what I had said, you'd have heard that our daughter just  had it again. And I know of several people who've had it twice. So much for your "statistics."

Anyway, did not get blood test (or flu shot), but I do have an inner ear infection. Apparently I've had a virus for about a month. Good to get answers. Good to know, too, that I'm not going crazy (ahem, crazier) and that this exhaustion and depression have a cause beyond just me being a wretch.

I also feel better to have that out in a safe place. 

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